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hei voetsek masthead


O nee Got.!! Got!!! Got!! ! I can’t help it. Scream!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaamnrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I could not Motherfucken Ma-se Poes resist it. I hate this magazine. I love this magazine.

This magazine gives me nightmares. Eleven years of Demon-crazy. Demo crazy!!! 11 years of freedom need the DREAD anal-isis. Deciphering the profanity of the ignominy. What do I think of politicians? Stool, shit, kak, poep, faeces, etc. etc. are euphemisms for them. The word euphemism is too good for them. The motherfuckers sit and suip themselves lekke’ poepdronk and I’m not allowed to smoke my lekke’ daggatjies because somebody from some ma-se-poes Holy Book reckons that it’s not what we’re supposed to do. Listen up, naiers, Holy and Unholy, we really, really, really like our fokken dagga and you’re looking for kak fucking with us so constantly. Ons gaan vi’ julle moer!!!!!! 11 Years!!! 11 fokken years of Manto-Manto-Manto! ! ! You are responsible for the death of many more than were killed by the boers and all of that for garlic and beetroot! Wie is die lielike meide? En-N-kot-sa-zana Zuma? Haai Antie, Gorilla’s in the Mist ve’by!!! Where are the beautiful people in politics? The question must be asked as to why Politics attracts so many totally ugly people simply possessed of the desire to be important. Kyk vi’ Cheryl? Lielik! En dai Ferguson meid! Lielik! En Zille en De Lille. Fokken lielik en kannie dansie!! Wat gaan an? Is julle djars? Mal? Mad? And look what your ex-husband went and did, Mrs. Dhlamini Zuma! Huh! Nai somma a meid that’s HIV! It’s because you’re so lelik Djirre! The ou was probably still having nightmares. And that hairstyle! Neeee meisie!!! So many laws!! Djirre! A person somma wants to nai himself because of all these laws!!!!

Zebulon Dread

11 Years!!! Still so many ma-se-poes useless churches with skelms like Marais, Boesak, Williams, etc. etc. taking the tithes from the stupid poor waiting for Messiah’s, false Guru’s and strange Gods to save them!!! You’ll remain poor, you fokken cretins. You and your impotent worship!! 2000 years and still waiting for someone to save your sorry black fokken arses. 11 Years of Democracy and 2000 years of slavery. Wanne kom die Messiah? Wanne? Was Mandela our Messiah? 11 Years of this shit and I still can’t smoke my ganja as I wish but you can pluck a baby from the womb, pump yourself silly on arse, lick as many vaginas as you like, be as obnoxious as only Pieter Mulder of the Freedom Front Minus, as petulant as Tony (closet queen) Leon, as vulgar as Thabo holding the hand of the fokken scum Mugabe or that Haitian Voodoo freak, Aristide, while flying around in a jet plane!! Ma-se-dof-POES licking the arse of Bush and Blair and for fokken what? So they can see that here is the true intellectual blackman. Who needs them when your country has gold, uranium and fok knows what else. Think, DOF Darkie, Think!!!!


11 Years and still the criminal gangs get stronger. Why? Easy! POLICE AND THIEVES FIGHTING THE NATION WITH THEIR GUNS AND AMMUNITION!! The Cape is simply becoming a fokken fascist police entity where the paramount importance is the safety of the tourist. Listen to this angry Bushy from Bonteheuwel and hear that as long as you do not provide a healthier platform for the people to live from, you are going to kaka. Share your ma-se-poes riches with the poor, or they’ll share their poverty with you.This Zebulon Dread gives you prophecy, you doomsday fuckers!!! Wie is Nqulu, Mqoki or is it Umkaki? Wie is Nomaindia? Where did you motherfuckers crawl from? Where? Wie de ma se poes is djulle, huh??? And now there’s Zealot Zille! Hulle se sy roek pille. Zille roek pille!! Another Honky to save the sorry arse Kallitz from themselves. Eveready to do the stint after the fire. Eveready to pose for publicity. Hungry for fame while just an anal pain!!


Bushies, Boesmanne, Kallitz, Malau!!!!!Se(X)Cede! Separation from the nation. Four hundred years of ma-se-poes robbies fokken Afrikaner rule for another 400 years of dof-darkie-ma-se-poes colonisers rule. Naai, die gattie werkie!!! The rulers have changed their colour, but the shit remains the same. Se(x)cede!!! Briek weg!! Briek aff!!! Ons wil dagga roek!!! Julle rulers se ma se poes. We want to smoke our ganja and still we are not allowed because the black brotherhood, with their heads so far up the anus of the West, wants to impress the motherfokken Barbarian Honkies. Show them that they, BLACK, are civilized. Thabo and his obsessions about International Statemanship!!! !


11 Years and still that Horse-woman-of-the Apocalypse, Pam Goldwing, is still selling all of Cape Town that she can get her vile hands on in the name of globalisation. Oh yes, she too is a celebrity. Celebrating what? Selling houses? For fucks sake, you absolute idiots, how do you celebrate the cerebral kak of selling a house and how does an ugly dickling like that become a powerful A-list celebrity? Your values stink, South Africa. I say, 11 years down the line, let us celebrate those who have done things that people speak of with humour, love and fond memory. Let us celebrate the fact that most of us can carry on with our lives without overt fear of a Government. This was NOT done by the ANC, DA, IFP or any political party. No, it was done by the will of the people. YOU!!!! YOU, ME and all of US. I AM MY OWN MASTER AND DO NOT THINK A POLITICIAN EXISTS WHO CAN SAVE MY ARSE BECAUSE THOSE WHOM THE GODS WISH TO KILL NO ONE CAN SAVE AND THOSE WHOM THEY WISH TO SAVE NO ONE CAN KILL!



11 Years. This is it! The Dread solution. May your memory be flooded with the anger of the most humorously angry ma-se-poes-crazy fokken Bushy that existed since forever. Cape Town Bushies, Die Government se Poes. Se(X)cede!! Kaffirs, Coolies AND Boere, hulle almal se moere. They just come for our vote and then fuck off. Ons wil dagga roek, suip en nai net soes ‘n fokken Kleurling wiet hoe om dit te doen. Owheh!!!! Self rule is mos lekke’. Check it out. Who’s fokken ruling you????? You’s out there, beware of the sleeping giant that is malau. Julle gaan wysraak!!!!


PS!! While you’re at it. somma moer the lying predikant and burn down the Church now that you know that the preacher man fuckers are lying. Hosh!!! Where’s the Messiah? Julle almal wat soe’ wag vi’ kak. If anything I’ll fokken secede alone and form my own country in my own ma-se-poes backyard called my medulla oblongata. And what will my country be called? Ma-se-poes-land! !!! ! !


Zebulon-Ma se Poes Poet-vet-Dread

Cultural Terrorist/Kulturele Terroris!





This is an excerpt from the lost issue of Hei Voetsek!, published in the July 2014 Chronic

To read the 8-page insert, in print or as a PDF head to our online shop, or get copies from your nearest dealer.


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